Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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