Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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