I cannot find my penis.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
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