I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
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