Buhtt sex?
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
