Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
