i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
You took a bar mat shot.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
