I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
