I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
