how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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