When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
