she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Randomize
