The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Randomize