My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
