i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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