We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
