either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
