how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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