Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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