an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
