I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
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