We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
