Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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