u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Randomize
