a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
