dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I love having hate sex.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
