Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
