Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
