Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
