anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
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