Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
