I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
