Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
