I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
