Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
You know, be my cock's hype man.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
