my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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