Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
