we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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