Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
