Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Still dying that you shit outside
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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