i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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