You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
