are you so shy because you have an std?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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