Moan for me like Helen Keller
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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