I'm laying in your front yard are you home
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Randomize
