Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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