My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
