OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Randomize
