got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
