What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
