im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Randomize
