I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
