Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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