You don't have asthma, your pregnant
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
