Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
