so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
My cat gives me a boner
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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