Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
