The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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