would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
