Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
