He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
be right there i have to get my cape
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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