thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
