And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
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This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
