He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
