dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
She's the barista slut.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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