There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I have tasted many bathrooms
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
