Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
