Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
