Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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