How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Randomize
