dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
